About 10 months ago I was planning on training for another competition because I was excited to see how I can improve and challenge myself. I had given myself about five months to prepare and work towards this goal. So it was definitely enough time however I blew it.
I cheated the whole day and I mean binged the whole day. I had a half order of biscuits and gravy with an egg scramble with chorizo, green chili’s and cheese. Then I also had almonds and a grapefruit (which is one of my typical meals) but I followed that by a grilled cheese and ham sandwich on french bread grilled with butter and a salad (healthy right) and some of my boyfriend’s french fries. Followed by a dinner of a ground beef taco, a bean burrito with cheese and lettuce and a peanut butter bash with marshmallow topping from DQ (that actually made me sick eating it because it was so sweet but do you think I stopped?? No I finished the whole thing)
After this binge I began feeling sick, bloated and gross. To try to detox I started drinking lots of water the next day and I wasn’t if that would help or not. It could be adding to my bloated feeling – plus with all that sugar and sodium, I am probably retaining water like crazy. Free for all days suck!! I felt like shit and I can’t do anything about it. I just had to tough it out and I was kicking myself in the ass. I even thought about throwing up but that wouldn’t really help plus then it could lead to a whole another set of problems.
I wonder if you can relate to wanting to do something giving yourself what you think is enough time only to sabotage yourself in the process? Have you ever tried to do something new and found yourself making choices that are exactly the opposite of what you want to accomplish? Why would I decided that I want to do another bikini competition, then start pre-training and gorge myself with crap? Do this make sense????
Well most of us will answer no it doesn’t make sense, yet many of us can relate to this behavior. Many times when we try to do something new, we are moving outside our comfort zone. Now even though I have competed in one bikini competition it doesn’t mean that I am comfortable with this. In fact, right now I am comfortable with just being me. So making the decision to compete again, makes me a bit uncomfortable even though I know what to expect and how to do it. Because even though I know the steps to take and I have done it before it is still a new part of the road in my journey. With a second competition I want to challenge myself to do better than I did before and really push myself to do the best I can. That is a new level now, which is uncharted territory for me. Just like if you have tried a certain diet or workout plan before and now you try something that is similar but yet just a little different – it is still uncomfortable.
So part of the reason why we do this is because of our good ol’ friend “self sabotage.” Self sabotage keeps us from reaching our goals and many times we don’t even know we are doing it, we have no awareness that we don’t reach our goals because of all the road blocks we set up. We become to busy with other things and then play the victim because we don’t have the time. (I am good at this one). The point is that when we move outside of what we know, we are disrupting our inner homeostasis and our subconscious works very hard to get us back in line with what it knows. Our subconscious wants everything to stay the same.
When you start making a change you have a choice, allow yourself to fail or allow yourself to succeed. Yes you can choose to fail or succeed – the choice is yours and yours alone, because you decide what gets in your way and what holds you back. Sometimes we live in the past and let things stay the same, continue to be the victim and prove ourselves right. Other times we take responsibility for what is happening to us and make choices that support our success. Truly the choice is up to us. Fail or Succeed? That is the true question.
So what can you do to knockout self sabotage?
Well here are four strategies to knockout self-sabotage. They will help you in your battle of against yourself.
1) Start becoming aware of what your self sabotaging behaviors are. Do you give your choice away by allowing someone else to make decisions for you? Like where you eat, i.e. go to a pizza joint where you know you can’t really order anything healthy. Do you start scheduling a bunch of things to do when you want to get other things done? Do you succumb to peer pressure when with friends? It is important to start understanding your behavior and tendencies because if you don’t become aware of them, you can’t fix them.
2) Take responsibility for your choices and your actions and be accountable to them. This is so hard to do at times because we are so quick to blame. I had been doing this for so long. I would say – “I do great during the week with my nutrition but on the weekend Kirk always wants to go out to eat.” Well Kirk does not make me choose unhealthy meals when we go out to eat. When I started training for the competition, I was able to really take ownership of my food choices and despite what he ate, I made healthy choices for me. Taking responsibility for your choices regardless of the circumstance is critical and also very empowering.
3) Be kind to yourself. Remember that many of these habits are learned and take time to overcome. DON’T expect perfection. Expect progress. Even though I had a total gorge day, I have made so much progress because I can’t even tell you the last time I ate like crap for a whole day. In my journey, I have learned that giving myself grace and permission to be imperfect has helped me make progress. We can be so critical of ourselves but why do we do it? It doesn’t help us make progress, it only makes us bitter and regretful.
4) Only make choices for this moment. Remember that you can only truly make a choice in the present moment. Using words like “I can’t, never, must not, have to, ought to, and gotta” give up our future choices which then make use resentful and feel deprived. Only make a choice for this moment. I either want to eat a slice of pizza right now or I don’t but if Sunday I want pizza I can make that decision on Sunday. Remember everything is okay in moderation but that means you make it a thoughtful process instead of a mindless act. So ONLY make your choice for right now, in this moment, then you aren’t giving up your future choices and you wont feel deprived now for a future choice.
Remember, we can’t change the past and it has helped shape us into who we are today. If we are not happy with the choices we made then the only thing we can do is to make a different choice right now, in this moment. We have the power to write our future because it is impacted by every choice that we make. What we wear, how we act towards others, which way we drive to work, etc.
Why regret our past, if only I shoulda, woulda, coulda…. Well to hell with that I say you should scream and own these words! “I LOVE WHO I AM TODAY and it is all because of the good and bad shit that happened to me. I have a choice in what I do with this moment and that impacts my future. I can choose who I want to be and what I want to happen in my life. I am not a victim. I have the power to make different choices and make my dreams come true because they require hard work and dedication not just wishful thinking.”
Remember YOU HAVE A CHOICE, YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM, YOU ARE STRONG AND POWERFUL!!!! Stop allowing yourself to stop you from reaching your goals, become aware of your behaviors, take responsibility for your choices, make choices in the present moment, be kind to yourself and believe in your power to make your dreams come true!!
I believe in you!!! Much Love and Support ~~ Amanda xoxo