Have you ever gotten sucked into thinking any of the following or some version of them?
• If only he/she would say this, then everything will be ok
• I can’t believe he/she didn’t say this, when that is what I needed to hear
• I wish he/she would say this
When I share how I am feeling, I expect that he/she will say and do this or realize how much of an ass they are being and apologize for hurting me
Well I have….
After an argument with my husband, I was secretly hoping that he would say “I hear what you are saying, and I totally get it. We are gonna make it through this tough stuff. I love you and you mean the world to me, and I want to make you happy.” or even “I didn’t realize you felt that way and I will work on it. I know I can be a dick sometimes. I don’t mean to hurt you. I love you.” Then of course like in the movies, he would swoop in and grab me for a passionate and intense hug, and even if I pushed him away, he would know that I wanted him be persistent and not let me go until I was relaxed and fully embraced him back.
Cut.. Great scene, lets shoot that again from the top…
Well like many people, I have been living in a fantasy world, expecting that my husband and our fights would be like all those great romantic scenes in the movies….. You know the ones we all watched when we were kids or even now. Well my life is not a romantic movie or fairytale, no one scripted lines for us, so when I say this and my husband says…. Oh God what is he going to say, is he going to say anything…… Help! Where is the line guy to tell him what he’s supposed to say next????
Over the years all couples end up in patterns that play out. How we each act in and after an argument is based on what we learned. This makes things more complicated because we each have different expectations of what the other should do, how they should act, what they should say….. Well this has been my experience.
I have been “shoulding” on my husband when it comes to how he “should” respond to me during and after a disagreement/argument. When we “should” on people, we are holding them up to some unrealistic expectation that they will likely never be able to achieve. There are two major problems with this. First, they likely don’t even know, since most of the time we never talk about expectations of others and might not even be aware of them ourselves. Second, the other person in your life, is a real live independently thinking person, he/she isn’t scripted or cast into the role from your movie. They have freewill and also have different thoughts, opinions and experiences from you. Chances are they grew up with different expectations and models. Heck, even siblings who grow up in the same home, are different.
The truth is no one is ever going to say exactly what you want or even need to hear, when you need to hear it. They won’t act they way you want them too. You don’t live in a scripted world. Because of this we have to stop looking to others to say what we want them to say and do what we want them to do. This isn’t reality and every time we have this expectation of them and they don’t meet it, we become disappointed and even bitter and possibly passive aggressive or just plain aggressive.
Learning to drop the expectation of others is hard (I know because I am still working on it every day). For me it is about speaking my truth to the ones I Iove, and allowing them to respond the way they need too. The other person’s response has nothing to do me really, it is totally about them and their internal struggle. We all have shit that gets triggered when conflict or even good stuff happens.
Once I realized this truth, I had to do something about it and NO, it wasn’t to change my husband (although the thought did cross my mind, lol). So in order for me to let go of expectations and waiting to hear the perfect response from my husband or anyone else for that matter, I made the decision to walk away, grab some paper and a pen, and found a quite place to sit and write.
In my quiet space, I wrote to myself, everything I needed to hear. I tuned in and listened to my soul and what it was trying to tell me. I wrote what I needed to hear from the inside, things to comfort me, encourage me to continue and even to make me laugh. In my own search to find solace, I found my intuition and created something that I just knew I had to share with you:
PostCards from Your Soul
These are short encouraging, supportive, loving, compassionate, funny, and honest reminders from your soul. Anytime you need to hear something you just go to your set of PostCards from Your Soul and pick one that speaks to you. You can read as many times as you need too, carry in your purse, hang it on your bathroom mirror, put it on the dashboard of your car, place on your vision board, or anywhere else you want. You can also share them with others if you don’t know what to say or you see they need encouragement or support. PostCards from Your Soul are honest and real.
So if you have ever:
- Poured your heart out to someone and then been disappointed because they didn’t respond the way you needed or even hoped they would?
- Needed encouragement but were too scared to ask or even when you did, and it wasn’t exactly what you needed to hear?
- Needed to hear someone say they were proud of you for what you did and that you needed to keep going but no one did?
Then, you will want to be the first to get your set of “PostCards from Your Soul”
Available June 6, 2016, Place your pre-order of 6 pack($9.97+ Shipping) or 12 pack ($15.97+ Shipping) by emailing firstname.lastname@example.org I will then send you the link for you to pay.
In addition to the cards, they include a hand folded origami envelope and special unique handwritten message just for you from me.
If you are one of the first 20 people to pre-order your set you will get 50% off the cost (shipping is not discounted), you will have until 6/5/16 to pay the pre-order price because on 6/6/16 it goes away.
So stop waiting for or looking to someone else to tell you what you need to hear and order your copy of PostCards from Your Soul. Let PostCards from Your Soul provide you with encouragement, support, comfort, wisdom, laughter and even help you celebrate you and your achievements!
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