I’m 41 years old, almost 42 and I have done a lot of shit wrong, but then again I’ve done a lot of shit right too. I have lived a lot of life, seen things most people have never seen, done things many people will never understand or even do in their lives, and yet………..
I haven’t lived the life I thought I would.
Truth be told, I never thought I would have dropped out of high school, gotten involved in drugs or even gotten divorced, but I did. I also never thought I would have been the senior address speaker at my high school graduation, obtain two graduate degrees (one in Criminal Justice and the other in Social Work), earn a Black Belt in Kempo, become a Reiki Master or become a published author, but I did. I had dreams to be a dancer and performer on Broadway, a rockstar, and even to walk the catwalk as a fashion model in New York, but I didn’t. I wanted to backpack across Europe, go Skydiving, travel to exotic places and birth a child at home, but I didn’t.
So what would my younger self think of me now? Well to be honest, I think she would be proud of me. Proud that I didn’t let myself stay lost. Proud that returned to school. Proud that I stood up for myself. Proud that I achieved the goals I set out to obtain. Proud that I didn’t let my past control my future. Proud that I explored things that interested to me. Proud that I accepted myself for who I am, not what I was lacking.
You see, often we struggle with ideas of how things are supposed to be. We tell ourselves stories about what our life will be like when we get older and when it isn’t they way it’s “supposed to be or what we thought it would be,” we become dissatisfied, judgmental and bitter. This is especially true when we see all the people around us, living the life we so badly desire to experience. I’ve struggled this and seen many other women succumb these feelings too.
However, it doesn’t have to be this way. We don’t have to live dissatisfied, judgmental or even bitter lives. Those are choices we make when we’re too scared to change and when we believe the old stories that no longer serve our best and highest good.
So the the fuck do we do? How do we change it?
Well, it starts with letting go of shit that isn’t helpful, you know, the stuff that is keeping us stuck and letting go of the stories that we tell ourselves that keep us small and powerless. I’m sure right now you can think of few beliefs that might be getting in your way. If you’re alive, then I bet you understand the disappointment that can happen when our expectations are not met or we don’t achieve the things we were led to believe were so easy to obtain.
So if you want to Live a Life that Rocks, Stop Buying Into These 3 Stories:
- 1) YOU HAVE TO MAP OUT YOUR LIFE – Everyone I know, including myself, who has tried to live by “the map” they created for their life (which is influenced by our culture), has been left frustrated, stressed out, and pissed off. Why? Because there is NO road map to how to live your life. It is a constantly evolving process that is based on the actions we take and choices we do and do not make. So many things would have been different in my life if 1) we never would have moved back to Arizona when I was 9, 2) my parents would have never gotten divorced 3) I never used drugs 4) I never dropped out of high school and the list goes one…… The truth is I have no idea if those different choices would have helped me achieve the things I thought I might have when I was younger or not. When we let go of mapping out our life, we open ourselves up to living our life in the present moment. We stop searching for the thing we feel we’re supposed to be finding and we appreciate what we have. When we let go of mapping out our life, we feel less stressed, less focused on what we lack and more satisfied and happy with where we are in our life.
Throw the fucking map out the window and get lost in appreciating and loving yourself for everything you are and have right now.
- 2) YOU MUST HAVE IT ALL FIGURED OUT – I don’t know about you, but I know this…. I don’t have it all figured out. Everyday, I just try my best to do what feels right, to live my truth and show up as who I truly am. It’s a process and sometimes even a struggle. Fear and comparison gets in the way, at times, especially when we are trying to have it all figured out, which only makes us feel inadequate and unhappy. Plus “having it all figured out” implies you’ve learned everything you need to learned and/or mastered everything there is to master. So when you don’t know something or have a monkey wrench thrown your way, your confidence gets shaken. And quite frankly, “having it all figured out” is a hogwash idea and impossible. Sure, we can figure out a lot of things however there are always new things to learn, new perspectives, and new ideas coming out especially when other people are involved in our life. So let go of the idea that “you have to have everything figured out” in order to live a “good” life. Honestly, this idea, this story is robbing you of your joy.
When we stay curious and are open to new possibilities or perspectives, we grow and are able to gain new appreciation of things. And we don’t have to have it all figured out to live a life that rocks or to feel like a Badass Beautiful Knockout!
- 3) YOU BETTER BE DOING IT RIGHT – My question for this is “Who decides if you’re doing it right?” There are probably hundreds of different ways to fold a towel, so what makes one better than another as long as the towels get folded, right? (warning this will trigger the perfectionist inside of you). We often get caught up in wanting to please others by doing the right things. This is part of our socialization process because we are rewarded by others for doing things properly. We begin to crave the reward in fact there has been lots of psychological experiments on people’s desire to be rewarded for doing the right things. The need to control things is also a form of doing it right. This makes relationships difficult because like I said there is more than one right way to fold a towel. When we are focused on doing it right, we close ourselves off to other possibilities and perspectives. To be honest, when we are focused on “Doing it right” we miss out on connecting with the part that helps us understand if it feels right us. When we look to someone else for reassurance that “we’re doing it right” we often unintentionally undermine ourselves. And when we look to control whether they are doing it right, we unintentionally undermine and even belittle them. Yes there may be reasons you want to do things right, especially if you have lives in your hands like a heart surgeon, however even doctors have to use critical and intuitive thinking at times. It’s crucial that you check in with yourself and ask – does this feel right to me? Is there another perspective that I see? Where is my desire to do it right coming from? What underlying need do I have that isn’t being met?
Letting go of “doing it right” will release you from expectations and allow you to start focusing on whether or not it feels right to you.
As we work on letting go of the three things in our lives, we open up to new possibilities, new truths and awaken a new sense of joy and satisfaction within ourselves. It takes courage, it takes trust, and it takes patience. Things don’t change over night. Learning to let go of anything is a process but with it comes a new sense of freedom. When we release the energy it took to hold onto something, we feel relieved, revived and renewed.
Life is one big science project. It is constantly evolving and changing just like us. Don’t be afraid to test your theories with curiosity, explore new possibilities with wonder and be brave enough to tapping into your inner rebel and live the life that makes your current self happy and inspired your younger self, proud.
If you’re wondering how to do it: Explore these 5 questions:
- 1) What did I expect my life would be like by now?
- 2) How do I feel when I compare myself and my life right now to what I expected or wanted?
- 3) What benefit am I getting by holding on to that old story?
- 4) If I was to release that old story about how my life should look by now, what would it free me up to do?
- 5) What are three things I love about myself and/or my life right now?
Much Love and Support
And if you still need more support, know that you can schedule a FREE 30 minute Connection call with me.